Blurry Visions By Huda

November 5, 2020

Being a child, we have really specific views on how our lives will turn out to be and it’s usually really fancy and full of imagination. The same thing happened in my case. I was sure that I’ll have a fairy tale romance, a big bunch of friends, big achievements. And a big Richie Rich mansion for with a big walk in closet, fast food joints and an underground lab. Where we’ll live happily ever after. In short, I was pretty sure I was going to live the life of a Barbie or Richie Rich. Where everything is always rainbows and butterflies and I’ll be busy solving other’s problems.

I believed in magic, love, happy endings, and all these amazing things may be due to my love for Disney or the teen shows I saw growing up where first love is always the one, where the overlooked heroine is finally looked upon by her prince charming and everything falls into places, until I grew up and realized. No Huda! Life’s not always rainbows and sunshine.

Your life is just going to be more difficult, not easier day by day, And realizing this is maybe the hardest thing one has to do when reality strikes you usually fail miserably especially if you live in your own little world. I did too, I lost my sense of self.

But how many days? A day? A week? A month? A year? One day we have to stand up as my favorite show’s theme song says! No one told me life was gonna be this way! My job’s joke, I’m broke, my love life’s DOA.

I stood up to write my own destiny, a realistic form of destiny with a tinge of magic. My life was still blurry, but I learnt to love this blur and then I realized.

The uncertainty of life can be extremely stressful and agonizing yet it can be extremely beautiful too when a loved one betrays us, or leave us its hurting. But when, while crossing a path we meet a person not knowing that this person is Going to be the most important person in our lives is anything more beautiful than that? Maybe you found your life partner in most unexpected place or found a friend in a person you found annoying or uninteresting just because you gave life a chance.

Life’s uncertainty is scariest when we make decisions in life. Whether it’s minor decisions like what to buy or to decide our career or life partner. One decision no matter how small can change our life course as we learnt from a lot of sci-fi literature and pop culture. Like the times Flash goes back in time and cause Flashpoint due to his decisions or when heroes travel back in time to change the course of time and end up either saving the world or ruining the history.

Not just in fiction or fantasy our real history is filled with examples where a single choice changed the path of history. Most famous example is when Hitler was rejected from art school and he enrolled in the Army and caused the Holocaust and killed millions of innocent people or when Quaid-e-Azam Muhammad Ali Jinnah decided to be active in Politics little did he knew that he’ll be our savior.

I didn’t stopped believing in magic, I just realized that my magic is my own power maybe my happy ending doesn’t involve a prince charming, or an epic love. Maybe I didn’t had big achievements but I survived through hardships. I survived through depression, loneliness and traumas and gradually my role models weren’t Richie rich or Golden era Disney princesses. They were characters like Leslie Knope from parks and rec. A lady even if fictional who had everything she wanted by her sheer will and hard work. Moana, who saved her people from a curse. And Jessica Pearson, the most formidable of all and a lawyer too. Zumar Faris another strong advocate these are all fictional characters in fictional world but they fill me with confidence that come what may I can face it with my willpower and Help of Allah.

Now I won’t lie I have my fair share of bad surprises from life. I regularly come across situations where I just lose hope (something I have yet to overcome). TBH I feel life thinks I feel happy when faced with problems that’s why it puts me in so many uncomfortable, sadistic situations that I feel like dying or shutting out everything and everyone. But it doesn’t do me any good. I just drive people away with these actions. People I actually care for.

But the worst consequences are what happens with my mental health when I allow myself to drown into pain and not try to get over it. Now, it’s not healthy to bottle up anger and pain but it’s also not healthy to never let it go. How long can I sulk at last one day I have to get up by hook or by crook so why not do it on my own terms.

Imagine you got burnt by stove. Now can you afford to hold on to the pain never let it go away, and live in fear so much to never touch it again? Or get proper treatment, and go ahead with your life and use stove cautiously? Obviously the latter so why don’t we give our personal life this chance.

The chance to get up when we fall, the chance to fall in love again, the chance to try again.

It’s the beauty of life that we don’t know what’s going to happen next second it can be something really soothing or something so bad that can change our whole life, but we don’t know it yet so we can be happy today praying next second will be more beautiful that present or the next second is not as bad as present. And it gets better every passing moment. Because in the end, we matter more than our future and our mind and soul make us realize that gradually until one day we are our most confident self who stop apologizing just for existing and start living life on own conditions. We still make bad choices, still suffer, hate our lives but we start to give ourselves the benefit of doubt the day we finally decide to move forward and give life a chance.

Written By : Huda Shahid

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